Brainspotting for Perfectionists: Letting Go of the Need to Get It All Right
If you’ve ever found yourself rewriting an email five times, hesitating to share your ideas, or feeling like you can’t relax until everything is “just so,” you might be familiar with perfectionism. It’s that inner drive to get everything right, all the time—often at the expense of your peace, joy, and even your relationships.
Perfectionism can be sneaky. It often masquerades as ambition, responsibility, or high standards. But underneath, it’s usually fueled by anxiety, fear of judgment, or a deep desire to feel safe and accepted. And while striving for excellence isn’t a bad thing, perfectionism can leave us feeling stuck, exhausted, and never quite “enough.”
So, what if there was a way to gently loosen perfectionism’s grip? Enter brainspotting—a powerful, body-based therapy that can help you get to the root of perfectionism and start letting go.
What Is Perfectionism, Really?
Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting things to be neat and tidy. It’s a pattern of thinking and behaving that says, “If I don’t get this exactly right, something bad will happen.” That “something bad” might be criticism, rejection, failure, or even just the uncomfortable feeling of not measuring up.
Perfectionism can show up in all sorts of ways, such as:
Procrastinating because you’re afraid of making mistakes
Over-preparing or over-researching before you start anything new
Feeling anxious or irritable when things don’t go as planned
Avoiding new opportunities because you’re worried you won’t succeed
Constantly comparing yourself to others and coming up short
If any of this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone. Perfectionism is incredibly common, and it often develops as a way to cope with stress, criticism, or unpredictability in our lives.
The Hidden Costs of Perfectionism
On the surface, perfectionism can look like a strength. After all, who doesn’t want to do their best? But over time, perfectionism can take a real toll on your well-being:
Chronic stress and burnout: Trying to keep everything perfect is exhausting.
Anxiety and self-doubt: The fear of making mistakes can make even simple tasks feel daunting.
Procrastination or avoidance: When the stakes feel impossibly high, it’s hard to get started—or to finish.
Difficulty connecting with others: Perfectionism can make it hard to be vulnerable or ask for help.
Loss of joy and creativity: When you’re focused on getting it “right,” it’s tough to enjoy the process or take risks.
If you’ve noticed these patterns in your own life, you might be wondering: How do I break free?
How Brainspotting Can Help
Brainspotting is a gentle, effective therapy that helps you access and process the emotional roots of perfectionism. Unlike traditional talk therapy, brainspotting works with both the mind and the body. It’s based on the idea that where you look affects how you feel—and that our eyes can help us access deep, often unconscious memories and emotions.
Here’s how it works:
Identifying the Feeling: You start by noticing the physical sensations or emotions that come up around perfectionism. Maybe it’s a tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, or a flood of anxious thoughts.
Finding the “Brainspot”: With the help of a trained therapist, you find a spot in your visual field that seems to “hold” the feeling. This spot acts as a gateway to the deeper parts of your brain where old patterns and beliefs are stored.
Processing and Releasing: As you focus on the brainspot, you allow your mind and body to process whatever comes up—memories, emotions, or even just sensations. Over time, this can help release the anxiety and self-criticism that fuel perfectionism.
Brainspotting doesn’t require you to “figure out” why you’re a perfectionist or to talk endlessly about your past. Instead, it helps your brain and body do what they naturally do best: heal.
What Letting Go Looks Like
Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean you stop caring or give up on your goals. Instead, it means:
Allowing yourself to make mistakes—and knowing you’ll be okay
Taking risks, even when you’re not sure of the outcome
Enjoying the process, not just the end result
Being kinder to yourself when things don’t go as planned
Feeling more relaxed, creative, and open to new experiences
Imagine being able to send that email without obsessing over every word, or trying something new without fear of failure. That’s the freedom that comes from healing perfectionism at its roots.
Tips for Easing Perfectionism in Daily Life
While brainspotting can be a powerful tool, there are also small steps you can take on your own:
Practice self-compassion: Notice when you’re being hard on yourself, and try talking to yourself like you would a friend.
Set realistic expectations: Remind yourself that “good enough” really is good enough.
Celebrate progress, not just perfection: Every step forward counts, even if it’s not perfect.
Allow for rest and play: You don’t have to earn your downtime.
Reach out for support: You’re not alone in this—talking to a friend, therapist, or support group can make a big difference.
You Deserve to Feel Free
Perfectionism might have helped you cope in the past, but it doesn’t have to run the show forever. With the right support, it’s possible to let go of the need to get it all right—and to discover that you’re already enough, just as you are.
If you’re curious about how brainspotting can help you heal perfectionism, I invite you to reach out or explore more resources here. Remember: progress, not perfection, is what truly matters.
You deserve to live with more ease, joy, and self-acceptance—one imperfect step at a time.